Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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