you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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