i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
