My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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