I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
