Kiss
Puke
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
