Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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