I cannot find my penis.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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