just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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