I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
