Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This girl is more easily done than said...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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