Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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