I just pynch a tree in the face
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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