Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
