So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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