I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
