i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
