i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
