M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
