My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
