i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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