.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
