I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
