I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
two words: eviction party
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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