I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
