Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
