you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
