Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
