can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
