when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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