I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
