Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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