Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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