The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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