So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
