your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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