got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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