They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
