Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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