So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
