i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
