but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
