i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
