ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
