The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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