Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
