If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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