Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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