My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
