OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
