I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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