I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
