One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Two words: nipple clamps
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