Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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