Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
