Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
