so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
