She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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