Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
