my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
