i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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