My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
