Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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