Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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