She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
