Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
