Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
