Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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