The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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