i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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